Zane's favorite game from Rob Crockett on Vimeo.
He loves to show off and hold his head up. He always gets very excited doing it.
Relaxing with mom.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Zane's favorite game
He loves to show off and hold his head up. He always gets very excited doing it.
Relaxing with mom.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Two Month Check-Up - for Zane and for us...
Zane had his two month check-up on Monday and it went very well. He weighs 10 pounds 3 ounces and is 24 inches long. He is really tall for his age. His is kind of a skinny kid still, but doing just fine. We have been fortifying his feedings with a little bit of formula added to breast milk every other feeding and we have to continue doing that, which means I have to keep pumping, which isn't fun, but oh well. We do what we have to. I can let him sleep for a 6 hour stretch at night now so that is wonderful. I have now had two nights of getting 5 hours of consecutive sleep. Well, kind of. I still wake up automatically every few hours and feel the need to check on Zane. I wonder how long that will last. Zane sleeps the six hours just fine. What a good boy :)
When the doctor came in on Monday, the first question he had was, "So, does Zane move or support his head at all?" Well, wasn't I the proud mother as I laid Zane on his tummy and showed Dr. S what Zane can do! Dr. S was impressed almost beyond words. He just looked at me and said, "This is better than typical kids his age!" Zane held his head up great. When Dr. S was holding him and examining him, Zane looked around and turned his head. He is just the cutest thing! What an amazing boy!
Everything else looks good too. He is a healthy boy (besides the oxygen, which will be there until at least November). There are lots of medical complications that can come with Down syndrome and I have been reading up on them. I had a list of things I wanted to make sure Dr. S was aware of and would keep an eye out for. He knew about all of them and seemed impressed that I had already made myself familiar with a lot of that stuff and said that he was glad I had, it "makes us partners" in taking care of Zane. I liked the wording of that because I want to be involved and aware and educated on everything that goes on with Zane medically to the best of my ability and Dr. S wants that too. He has been a great doctor and I am grateful to have a good doctor that we like.
I went to lunch with my mom and our dear friend Janet yesterday. Janet has a daughter with a chromosomal abnormality, not Downs but something else, who is about 28 years old. It was so good to talk to her. She knows what is ahead for me and Rob and it was good to hear what she had to say. If anything, it helps to know we need to keep our sense of humor about life and let Zane bring us laughter. Janet and her family are wonderful and have lived full, fun, happy lives. It is good to see that example set before us of all the exquisiteness that lies ahead.
But the thing that Janet said that seemed the most important was that Rob and I will never have any pride. In studying the gospel and the life of the Savior, it is so easy to see that pride, that pride of the natural man, has no place in the life of a celestial being. Rob and I both have lived our lives to this point as fairly prideful people. Sure we are good people, but we lacked patience and understanding for others, I always think that I am right, and we pass judgment on others that we shouldn't. All of those things, among others, are elements of pride that we possess. I think that one of the reasons that all of this was so difficult for Rob in the beginning was that he knew, deep down, that this releasing of pride was something that he had to learn, that Zane was going to teach him that, but that it was something he did not want to learn. It is a hard lesson, one we will continue to learn for years to come I am sure. But I can feel it being stripped away from us even now. It started out as a painful process, but as we become more accustomed to it, we can feel that we are being shaped and changed into the people that our Heavenly Father would have us be. He is helping us become worthy of what He longs to give us someday, which is everything He has. It is funny to think we actually thought we could live life as we were, secretly knowing we didn't have many Christlike qualities, not wanting to really learn, love and sacrifice in order to become what this gospel that we so strongly profess to believe in wants us to become. In fact, requires us to become if we want to receive the blessing of celestial glory. Which is what we are all striving for, right?
So we are grateful for Zane beyond measure. He is giving us so much more than we could ever give him.
When the doctor came in on Monday, the first question he had was, "So, does Zane move or support his head at all?" Well, wasn't I the proud mother as I laid Zane on his tummy and showed Dr. S what Zane can do! Dr. S was impressed almost beyond words. He just looked at me and said, "This is better than typical kids his age!" Zane held his head up great. When Dr. S was holding him and examining him, Zane looked around and turned his head. He is just the cutest thing! What an amazing boy!
Everything else looks good too. He is a healthy boy (besides the oxygen, which will be there until at least November). There are lots of medical complications that can come with Down syndrome and I have been reading up on them. I had a list of things I wanted to make sure Dr. S was aware of and would keep an eye out for. He knew about all of them and seemed impressed that I had already made myself familiar with a lot of that stuff and said that he was glad I had, it "makes us partners" in taking care of Zane. I liked the wording of that because I want to be involved and aware and educated on everything that goes on with Zane medically to the best of my ability and Dr. S wants that too. He has been a great doctor and I am grateful to have a good doctor that we like.
I went to lunch with my mom and our dear friend Janet yesterday. Janet has a daughter with a chromosomal abnormality, not Downs but something else, who is about 28 years old. It was so good to talk to her. She knows what is ahead for me and Rob and it was good to hear what she had to say. If anything, it helps to know we need to keep our sense of humor about life and let Zane bring us laughter. Janet and her family are wonderful and have lived full, fun, happy lives. It is good to see that example set before us of all the exquisiteness that lies ahead.
But the thing that Janet said that seemed the most important was that Rob and I will never have any pride. In studying the gospel and the life of the Savior, it is so easy to see that pride, that pride of the natural man, has no place in the life of a celestial being. Rob and I both have lived our lives to this point as fairly prideful people. Sure we are good people, but we lacked patience and understanding for others, I always think that I am right, and we pass judgment on others that we shouldn't. All of those things, among others, are elements of pride that we possess. I think that one of the reasons that all of this was so difficult for Rob in the beginning was that he knew, deep down, that this releasing of pride was something that he had to learn, that Zane was going to teach him that, but that it was something he did not want to learn. It is a hard lesson, one we will continue to learn for years to come I am sure. But I can feel it being stripped away from us even now. It started out as a painful process, but as we become more accustomed to it, we can feel that we are being shaped and changed into the people that our Heavenly Father would have us be. He is helping us become worthy of what He longs to give us someday, which is everything He has. It is funny to think we actually thought we could live life as we were, secretly knowing we didn't have many Christlike qualities, not wanting to really learn, love and sacrifice in order to become what this gospel that we so strongly profess to believe in wants us to become. In fact, requires us to become if we want to receive the blessing of celestial glory. Which is what we are all striving for, right?
So we are grateful for Zane beyond measure. He is giving us so much more than we could ever give him.
Friday, September 10, 2010
What I Have Learned About Motherhood. . . So Far
With Zane peacefully sleeping against my chest yesterday afternoon, I realized that that is something I could do all day, sit there with him snuggled up against me, and everything would be alright. I would even be considered a good mother, but only for a little while I guess. Looking at him is enthralling in so many ways and on so many levels. The thoughts that run through my mind can't even be explained. They are so fleeting, but they are a series of complete moments and feelings.
And then life hits. I think the hardest thing for me right now is the oxygen thing. It is so hard to go anywhere. Not only because it is inconvenient to lug around the tank but because I worry about him catching anything that could be in any public place we go to. And with that thought, I wonder if once he is off oxygen, if I will be able to act normal at that point or if I am just always going to be worried about what he could "catch." I never thought that I would be an overprotective mother. But then I had a baby that I couldn't even touch without scrubbing down for the first week of his life. That set the stage I guess. I am doomed to become a worrier, and the mother who tries to protect her child from everything, even though I know that can't be done.
And then there are the feelings of utter and complete inadequacy. Does every mother feel that? Or do I have an extra measure of it because my first child happens to be perfect? But I mean really perfect. I think about all of the things that I am going to try to teach Zane, knowing that really there is so much more he could teach me, not only here on this earth as he is, but in the eternities. Rob and I and our other children will probably sit at his feet at times and learn from him. I hope he will teach us then as I hope to teach him now, filled with love and gratitude unspeakable. I hope I can merit that from him. But I am so far from being capable of being a perfect mother to him. And I am so sorry for that. I want to do my best, but don't know if I always will.
I could never even hope to come close to being a great mother if I didn't have Rob. He is my rock and he does so much for me. He is so caring and wants to do everything to help me. He loves Zane so much and it is so fun to see how much Zane totally loves his dad. To be a good mother a woman needs a good father by her side. And I am blessed with that fourfold. Rob, I love you. I don't deserve you and could never thank you enough for who you are.
Life is never the same, in so many ways, just as people tell you all the time when you are pregnant. But now I will never know if all that I am experiencing is the normal thing or how much of it is different because Zane has Downs. The tiredness thing (which comes with any baby, I am sure) is crazy, but I can see now how it kind of just becomes a way of life. I told my mom that I was getting about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night (not consecutive, mind you) and she said, "Yeah, that is probably what I was getting when you guys were teenagers." I thought, "Oh great." But the funny thing I am noticing now is that I feel less tired the busier I am. Hmmm, maybe that is some messed up form of a blessing.... Because motherhood is tiring and motherhood is busy... Or maybe this is just a phase and I will go back to feeling more tired the busier I am.
Seeing how much other people love my baby does something to my heart and soul that I can't comprehend. I love to see and hear that other people love Zane. It brings a comfort and a pride and a healthiness to me that nothing else does. All of his family, his grandparents, his cousins, his aunts and uncles, our dear friends, our ward members... I love it. It brings me joy. And I am sure that will continue throughout his life.
So for now, since I have to go feed the little boy, that is it, Lessons in Motherhood 101: 1) sometimes you just want to sit and stare at your kid, 2) you will be perpetually tired until who knows when, 3) you need the man of your dreams by your side and 4) you will love other people loving your child. Oh and 5) you will never feel up to the job, like you just aren't good enough, but you will keep going, doing your best, and praying for help from our Father everyday.
And then life hits. I think the hardest thing for me right now is the oxygen thing. It is so hard to go anywhere. Not only because it is inconvenient to lug around the tank but because I worry about him catching anything that could be in any public place we go to. And with that thought, I wonder if once he is off oxygen, if I will be able to act normal at that point or if I am just always going to be worried about what he could "catch." I never thought that I would be an overprotective mother. But then I had a baby that I couldn't even touch without scrubbing down for the first week of his life. That set the stage I guess. I am doomed to become a worrier, and the mother who tries to protect her child from everything, even though I know that can't be done.
And then there are the feelings of utter and complete inadequacy. Does every mother feel that? Or do I have an extra measure of it because my first child happens to be perfect? But I mean really perfect. I think about all of the things that I am going to try to teach Zane, knowing that really there is so much more he could teach me, not only here on this earth as he is, but in the eternities. Rob and I and our other children will probably sit at his feet at times and learn from him. I hope he will teach us then as I hope to teach him now, filled with love and gratitude unspeakable. I hope I can merit that from him. But I am so far from being capable of being a perfect mother to him. And I am so sorry for that. I want to do my best, but don't know if I always will.
I could never even hope to come close to being a great mother if I didn't have Rob. He is my rock and he does so much for me. He is so caring and wants to do everything to help me. He loves Zane so much and it is so fun to see how much Zane totally loves his dad. To be a good mother a woman needs a good father by her side. And I am blessed with that fourfold. Rob, I love you. I don't deserve you and could never thank you enough for who you are.
Life is never the same, in so many ways, just as people tell you all the time when you are pregnant. But now I will never know if all that I am experiencing is the normal thing or how much of it is different because Zane has Downs. The tiredness thing (which comes with any baby, I am sure) is crazy, but I can see now how it kind of just becomes a way of life. I told my mom that I was getting about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night (not consecutive, mind you) and she said, "Yeah, that is probably what I was getting when you guys were teenagers." I thought, "Oh great." But the funny thing I am noticing now is that I feel less tired the busier I am. Hmmm, maybe that is some messed up form of a blessing.... Because motherhood is tiring and motherhood is busy... Or maybe this is just a phase and I will go back to feeling more tired the busier I am.
Seeing how much other people love my baby does something to my heart and soul that I can't comprehend. I love to see and hear that other people love Zane. It brings a comfort and a pride and a healthiness to me that nothing else does. All of his family, his grandparents, his cousins, his aunts and uncles, our dear friends, our ward members... I love it. It brings me joy. And I am sure that will continue throughout his life.
So for now, since I have to go feed the little boy, that is it, Lessons in Motherhood 101: 1) sometimes you just want to sit and stare at your kid, 2) you will be perpetually tired until who knows when, 3) you need the man of your dreams by your side and 4) you will love other people loving your child. Oh and 5) you will never feel up to the job, like you just aren't good enough, but you will keep going, doing your best, and praying for help from our Father everyday.
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