Zane's Birth Story

I really want to get this down before I forget all the little details. These last two weeks have been probably the most life defining of my life to this point, and I will write about them later, but right now I just want to think of Zane's birth in all the joy that it was and without all the drama and emotions of the following days and weeks.

It was his due date, July 15th, 2010. How fitting that it would fall on the planned day, I am his mother after all and we all know how much I like plans. But I didn't know it was going to be that day when I woke up, all I knew is that I didn't think that our baby was moving as much. While Rob got ready for work, I downed a Pepsi in hope of jump starting the little guy and reassuring myself that everything was okay. At the end of the hour, I had only counted 6 movements which was not much. Usually when I did kick counts I felt 10 within a half an hour. Of course I was worried. As we ate breakfast I am sure Rob could tell that I wasn't letting it go, so we called Maternal and Fetal Medicine at LDS where we had previously had a Non-Stress Test (NST) and Amniotic Fluid Index (AFI) done. They weren't open yet, so we called my doctor's office. I told them what had happened and they said to come in for a NST right away.

Rob and I decided to drive separately because we figured that everything would be okay and he would go to work after and I would go home and do the laundry. We didn't take our hospital bag or anything. When we got there, they hooked me up and did a NST. It didn't look stellar but it didn't look horrible either and they said that I could probably just go home, but then Dr. Gemmell said that we should do an AFI too, just in case. So we went downstairs to have that done. It revealed that the amniotic fluid was very low. They had us go back up to the office and put us in a room. We waited there and then Dr. Gemmell came in and straight up said that I needed to be induced that day. I was shocked. That was not at all what I expected. I didn't even really know how to react. She explained her reasoning, that low fluid can be a sign that the placenta isn't functioning well anymore and that it would be best to just get the baby out now. I started tearing up and said, "Well, I guess we will go home and get our stuff" and she said, "No, you need to go up to the hospital right now." I was just stunned. I don't know what Rob was thinking and he probably didn't even get a chance to know what he was thinking because I was clearly upset and he set to task trying to make me feel better. We got in the car and called some people: my parents, Rob's mom and sisters. I didn't know how to feel. I was so disappointed to be induced. It was not at all in my plan and I really really really didn't want to go into labor that way. I needed reassurance and was searching for it by calling people. Rob was talking to all of them and I was just sobbing. We knew we had to go to the hospital so we called my dad and had him go to our house to get our hospital bag so he could bring it to us.

When we got to the hospital (which is just up the street from my doctor's office) I stalled again. We stood outside the elevators for a while, still talking to people and me still trying to feel okay about everything. We went up to Labor & Delivery and they just got us right to a room and started setting everything up. I asked if we could do another AFI. If that was the reason I was having to be induced I wanted to know that it was for sure really low. They hesitated to do that, but probably because I was so upset, they did it. And once again, it was determined that it was very low and not very safe for the baby anymore. It seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop this at that point and the tears of disappointment and anxiety just poured out. Rob gave me a beautiful blessing and then the IV went in and we were on our way. By this time it was about noon. I was already 2 cm and 80% effaced so we just sat back and waited for something to happen. I just cried in the bed for a while. I looked up on the internet about low amniotic fluid. That was bad and good, depending on the article I was reading at the moment. Rob and I talked, my dad brought our bag, we talked some more. My contractions were very close together right from the start, about 2 to 3 minutes apart, but I didn't really start to feel them until about 3pm. Around 4pm is when I had to kind of start breathing through them, but still, they weren't that bad. I sat on the birth ball and Rob rubbed my back.

A little after 5pm, Dr. Gemmell came to see how I was progressing. I was only 3 cm. That was disappointing. She suggested that we break my water and again I didn't want to. I wanted to have things happen on their own and it just wasn't going that way and I was not happy about it. Dr. Gemmell said that it would speed things up for me and that I didn't have much fluid anyway (which was true) so I let her do it. I asked her about being able to get in the tub, something the nurses told me wasn't possible, and she made it happen. That was wonderful. Then she left. My parents brought Rob some dinner and my contractions started getting stronger. We tried different positions during the contractions. I really liked just leaning against Rob and letting him hold me up as I relaxed my legs and stretched out my torso and belly a bit. Around 7pm I got in the tub and that was really nice. It was soothing. The contractions kept building (all the while never more than 2 minutes apart) and by 8pm they were really strong. No one had come to check on me at all. I guess because my water was broken, they didn't want to do as many internal exams because of the risk of infection. I was getting out of the tub to see if watching "So You Think You Can Dance" would help take my mind off things but the contractions started coming about everything 30 seconds and I started to think that I might not be able to do this. I kept saying to Rob, "They are coming so fast aren't they?" I started to not know what to do when I felt another one coming on and I began to panic a little each time, thinking there was no way I could get through another one. I was laying on my right side rocking on the bed. I had Rob call the nurse. I wanted to know how dialated I was. I decided that if I was only a 5 or something, that I was going to get an epidural. I was an 8 and 1/2!!!! I figured I could do it. They called Dr. Gemmell. She was at another hospital! I started to feel immense pressure and was worried that that was my body pushing, even though I shouldn't be pushing yet. I think Rob could see the worry in my face and that I didn't know what to do because he suddenly got very in control. Up until that point he had just done anything that I had told him to do but now he looked at me and very sternly told me to look at him, breath, blow out the candle and not to push. I am so grateful for that. He saved me in those moments of not knowing what to do. I told the nurse about the pressure and she said that pressure was good, it was the baby descending. Once I knew it was okay to be feeling that pressure and that I shouldn't fight it I felt okay and honestly the pain started to diminish and all I felt was pressure. I was getting tingly all over so they gave me oxygen to breath. I heard the nurse say to someone who was talking to Dr. Gemmell on the phone that I was complete and ready to go. At one point, the nurse even asked Rob if he wanted to see the top of his baby's head. As Dr. Gemmell made her way to the hospital (which seemed to take forever to Rob) I blew out imaginary candles, staring intently into my husband's eyes as I felt my baby descend. It was incredible. I knew right where he was in my body and by the time Dr. Gemmell got there, I was ready to push. They said I could stay on my side, they set everything up and Dr. Gemmell sat down. Rob said he was waiting for her to say something, but she just sat down and crossed her legs. The nurse asked me if I wanted to push on the next contraction and I did. I pushed twice through that contraction and knew part of my baby was out. I waited for the next contraction, pushed again and he was out! 8:53pm.

It was so fun to watch Rob. His eyes got all big and he said that our baby looked like me. He cut the cord and it was all so exciting! However, our baby was blue. He was on my chest for a few seconds and then was whisked away to be worked on across the room. My body was shaking and I was getting a few tears sewn up. I just figured everything would be fine. Meanwhile, Rob was a wreck. He was with the baby and things weren't looking very good. I am grateful I was not aware of all that. By the time I was sewn up and calmed down, they brought my baby back to me and we got to do skin-to-skin and it was amazing. His gorgeous eyes looking up at me, him nuzzling against me. It was bliss.We decided his name would be Zane. Rob held him for a while as I got out of bed and into the wheelchair. Then I held my baby as we were wheeled to our room, listening to the lullaby they played just for Zane.

Even though I was induced and had my water broken, the actual birth of my son was an incredible experience that I wouldn't change anything about. It is amazing what the body does and how it feels as a baby is born. I took those moments of amazement and no worries for granted, because the next weeks of our lives would be something I could never have prepared for. But those few hours before and after Zane was born will remained untainted by troubles for me as I remember them, the birth of our first son. Amazing.